Friday, January 05, 2007

dreams--freudian anal errors--morphology and lexicology

I hate it when people tell me about their dreams. As soon as somebody lets out "I had this amazing dream last night . . ." I immediately shut off the listening part my brain and start thinking about interesting things, such as my bowel movements or the fact that I have never had a mole.

Why do people think their dreams are interesting? They are not. First of all, they are not real. They are just things your mind has imagined when it is in its retarded, oxygen-deprived sleep state. Telling people about the dreams you've had is kind of like telling them about things you fantasized about in math class, or like saying: "Hey, I was sitting on the couch the other day and had this amazing imagination." They also in no way reflect divine interference or psychic premonitions. They do reflect aspects of your character, but not necessarily to a deep, Freudian level. For instance, if you dream about having sex with someone it's probably because you want to have sex with them and you should use this amazing insight into your personality to go hit on them. However, I guarantee you that it has nothing at all to do with your father or Sigmund Freud's anus.

Second of all I don't want to here about your dreams because, no matter what, they will never be as interesting as mine. Why? Well, it is guaranteed that mine will have much better special effects, possibly including explosions and aliens. Plus, the characters in my dreams frequently morph from person to person, changing forms but maintaining each of the characters' personal characteristics. That is cool. I bet that doesn't happen in your dreams. In fact, other people's dreams are only interesting if they include me and especially me doing something interesting, like spinning around in circles and then not getting dizzy.

Anyway, the point of this whole article is to inform you that I had a dream last night and it is interesting, because it involves me, who is of great interest to me. The special part of my dream was that it was entirely in Chinese. Everything out of everyone's mouths was Chinese and, even though all of it suffered from my personal linguistic butchering, it seemed to be reasonably good Chinese. The only weird thing was that I still didn't understand all of it, even though I made it all up.

So that was my dream. If you didn't find it entertaining then that's probably because you have no imagination or are full of hate.



Anonymous Anonymous said...

i had a dream last night;
i dreamt that candy was attacking you; not candy candy but candy, a lazy-eyed russian prostitute with messy hair and one stiletto; and she was chasing through the streets of chinatown; barking 'you mutha fking blabla russian talk' because you wouldn't give her a donut out of a gian box of donuts; because you were going to a party and 1/2 time was almost over and you needed to get back with snacks because the people you were watching it with were really morphing people with the same character traits as aliens; and you didn't want them to know that you knew that they were aliens that they would morph back into again if they were hungry.
oh oh oh and you were a pats fan

7:37 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

dreaming about having sex with someone usually means that you are an alien

7:38 PM  
Blogger KMM said...

That you, ljeans?

9:03 PM  

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