news from the wire--by bill clinton--"we have invented the invention"

CHINA DISCOVERS DEMOCRACY ACTUALLY INVENTED IN CHINA

BY BILL CLINTON

BEIJING, CHINA—Long lost records found in the Chinese state archives here have given irrefutable evidence that Democracy was in fact invented in Northern China—more than two hundred years before the Athenians adopted it as their form of government. The document, dated 720BC, is from the Spring and Autumn period and describes five villagers near the Yellow River voting on an important matter of social status: "And Lao Wang, along with Lao Kang and their three friends, voted to decide who could eat the dog first."

The documents were discovered by Professor Wang Dong at the state archives in Beijing. Professor Wang was researching ancient pornography when he stumbled upon the papers, an early survey of peasants and peasant customs in the state of Chu.

As with their invention of the modern game of soccer, the probability that two different civilizations could separately invent such dauntingly complex things as voting or kicking a ball around is so small as to be almost impossible. "The only likely conclusion," says Professor Wang, "is that these things, like pretty much everything in the world, were invented in China, and spread to the West through trade routes or magic."