Tuesday, March 27, 2007

vomit--diarrhea--also, vomit

From the American Heritage dictionary, a wonderful definition for a wonderful thing:

food poisoning
n.
  1. An acute, often severe gastrointestinal disorder characterized by vomiting and diarrhea and caused by eating food contaminated with bacteria, especially bacteria of the genus Salmonella, or the toxins they produce.
  2. Poisoning caused by ingesting substances, such as certain mushrooms, that contain natural toxins.

Of course, the definition fails to give a most necessary warning, that is: "if the meat's funky, don't eat the meat." If only I had read this simple warning before I ate some funky pork Sunday evening, I would have avoided approximately twelve hours of an acute, sever, gastrointestinal disorder characterized by vomiting and diarrhea.

I should also add that, although this definition sure is grand, it is unnecessarily vague in certain places. For instance, when it says "vomiting" it means muscle convulsions so intense they squeeze tears out of your eyes; when it says "characterized by" it means "your body will not stop doing either of the following for twelve hours."

The plus side of this adventure was that I got to cancel my classes on Monday. Rad. The other advantage is that I now know the distinctive odor and taste of funky pork, and knowing funky pork may help me identify funky versions of other meats, such as chicken, beef, or toffuti.

In other news, this website and all of blogspot.com are now blocked in China, so if you are in China and somehow reading this website, you are breaking the law, and should stop immediately.

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2 Comments:

Anonymous Peter said...

Tried the same thing in Greece. Not funny at all. Hope you feel better.

2:06 AM  
Blogger KMM said...

I feel more or less better, except for my new fear of eating pork in China.

10:57 PM  

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