Friday, April 20, 2007

more in the series--because this is really important--yes

This is Butterbee Jones.


Butterbee Jones thinks China is made of Tiddlywinks and Donuts. He's wrong.

This is something you should know, if you want to know everything about China.

(Note: Pic taken with permission from the internet.)

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pinky flesh

I chopped off a healthy chunk of pinky flesh the other day. This was not on purpose, and I'm not quite sure how it happened. I'll leave the rest to your imagination.

Sadly, it doesn't look quite as sexy as this.

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Thursday, April 19, 2007

great news--extraordinarily important news--the free press sure is grand

Today there was a five minute segment on the local Sichuan news station about a tree falling down. Nobody died. It did hit a car and scrape the windows of a few apartments, but it didn't cause any serious material damage. The intrepid reporters braved the local apartment complex to interview locals affected by the event and then, really showing off their investigative journalism skills, went outside and discovered that the tree fell because of termites living in it.

Again, this was a five minute segment on the main news channel in a province is roughly the size and population of Germany.

The real reason why China needs a free press is so that the news isn't boring.

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Wednesday, April 18, 2007

bones

The other night I ate at a restaurant called "A Bone." They serve bones in a big bowl of gamy smelling liquid. They also give you straws to suck out the marrow, which you can do before or after you're done nibbling the thin strips of meat off the bone.

Have you ever sucked out bone marrow through a plastic kids straw? It's gross--really, really, really gross.

This has been yet another of my recent adventures in meat that really hasn't impressed me much. Next step--snake.

(Yes, this really is the most interesting thing that has happened here recently)

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Friday, April 06, 2007

dwayne--he's a guy--here's some information about him

This is a picture of Dwayne:



I'm not sure what Dwayne's last name is, which is a real tragedy. But I am sure of one thing, and that is that Dwayne's never been to China.

This is something you should know, if you want to know everything about China.

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sinosplicean dimensions--perverted animals--just for you, kids

Every once in a while sinosplice links to my website, which is always a mixed blessing, because although it does increase my traffic to sinosplicean dimensions, it also means that I start to neglect my real fans, that is the ones coming to my site after searching for perverted animals on google, or for Freudian anal errors.

That being said, I just to make sure I keep my real fans happy, so just for you I'm go to refer yet again to perverted animals and also put up a picture of one:




Sadly, I have no pictures of Freudian anal errors.

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Wednesday, April 04, 2007

i am a provider of a great and extraordinary service--educational, that is--i am very important

This is a picture of a chicken:



There are many chickens in China. This is something you should know, if you're interested in knowing everything about China.

This chicken isn't from China, though. It's from the internet.

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Monday, April 02, 2007

shit

Shit, that last post wasn't in Chinese, I'm totally failing.

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new job--wherein I disparage a poor innocent child--i lack moral values

I have a new part time job that's basically babysitting a rich kid. I take him places, buy him things with his father's money, and try to teach him some English words here and there; mostly though, what I really do is practice all Chinese all day, because goddamnit this kid's English is awful, and he doesn't remember anything that I teach him (seriously--nothing at all, his brain is like a giant sieve).

All in all, it's an excellent set-up, and I plan on using all the sweet cash I make to buy important things to my daily life, like a 320 gigabyte hard drive full of music and hundreds more pirated movies.

Oh, and also hamburgers. I am going to buy hamburgers.

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